Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?

It has been really quiet around this avenue. ): I know. No one reads this but for keepsake, I have not been updating enough? It is my fault. For not managing my time properly.. I am more comfortable making lists. So here goes one. (This might be a long post. IF I am not halfway lazy....)


1) Since the last time I blogged. A lot has happened. AND I REALLY MEAN A LOT. The event that affected me most was when my grandfather left to met his Creator. He was 82. And people always remind me how strong I am, but I am not the best person with goodbyes. I literally hate them. And his absence was really abrupt. It was too sudden that I keep pinching myself only to realise that this is reality and not a nightmare.

I was in denial the whole day. Normally, a person would have to grandfathers. I only managed to see 1 and I cherish it. I really do.. He was a strong man, a very strong man. It was so emotional for the whole family. He went in his sleep so we wasn't with him when he was meeting Malaikah Izrail. It pained me knowing that. But the fact that he went in his sleep, calmed me.

It was horrible. My uncle came down from Changi with guards by his side. It was like in any malay TV series but this time, it was my life. It was horrible. I keep looking out for the heaves from his chest to check if he was still breathing. Because he was a joker, I kept thinking that he will spring back to his normal self and actually laughed at us because he fooled us. And when he was already six feet under, I keep asking myself "what if(s)". And everytime I istighfar, I keep reminiscing those stuff. Is this how I mourn, is this how I redha? It was the hardest goodbye for me. It really was.

He had been staying with us fro the last 5 years. He pampered us so so much. He'll buy us food, and candies and drink. He'll give us extra pocket money. He was around all the time. But the last few weeks, he was super cranky. We all thought it was a phase. He will get over it someday.. My dad bought a new fan for him because the last one was out of order. My dad bought a new tv so we wouldn't argue with him because he only watches one channel - Sensasi. But he could only use the fan twice and he didn't even get to see the tv we bought. The day before his death, he was in bed ALL DAY LONG. It was weird but maybe because he was sick - he had fever the day before - so we thought that it is normal. And the next day we knew, he was gone. When my mum discovered, his body was still warm. So it wasn't long since he met Izrail. It was so sad.

I checked on him everynight for 'signs'. I didn't know what I was thinking back then. I just couldn't bear because he looked so weak and that night, I didn't do it. I am not blaming myself but if only.... If only...

I'll always remember him. I will always be reminded of him and I hope he is doing well. I know he will be, insyaAllah amin amin amin.



2) On the day Atuk left, I was called for a job attachment. So, I am on attachment with Teater Kami (ltd) together with Qayyum and it had been so fun so far. It is also the craziest. Going back home at 11+. But it brought back Newton memories. The place that I am interning at is at Cairnhill Road. Remember Cairnhill CC?! Aaaaah, good times. It was just around the corner, about 5-10 minutes walk. The ambience was so so nice I really loved it.

Everybody was nice too. It was a small family but it was enough. Everybody know each other, ties was rekindled and new ties were formed. They were very welcoming and very friendly. And everyone has a funny bone, subhanallah. Their sarcasm, when you don't know them might hurt but really, it is just the way they interact. Everyone was loud and fun but they were very professional.

We open and close every rehearsals with Surah Al-Fatehah and it reminded of the exco meetings, the school and Irsyad. I really really miss Irsyad and my girls. ): When are we meeting? I hope soon...

AND I FOUND THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MALAY BACK. IT WAS BURIED DEEP BUT LOVE STILL PREVAIL. <3


3) Drama is also a havoc. Due dates EVERYWHERE. Thankfully I found an instructor. THANKFULLY I have a very supportive comm members. Thankfully everyone is cooperative! I cannot thank you enough but I really love love everyone of them.

Student Life Activities Fiesta (SLA) in coming up. Preview of the show is so so near. Very very nervous. Needed to cancel a show slot. Things to settle. /sigh



Ya Allah. I really need to borrow your strength. Guide me to the correct path and don't let the shaytans rule my heart and head. Amin.

Newest photo of late: