RAYA UP!

Duuuuudeeeeeeee, yesterday was such an awesome day. It was really really awesome I love it and I miss my girls already. Although we had to fork out a lot more than we expected but oh wel, there will always be hiccups here and there.

Oh, and I am waiting for the photos but I don't think I will get to see the photos or my new classmates and my timetable until friday (or maybe sunday) but I am super excited for the camp. (maybe?) but I think I'll be fine in this semi-healthy being.

I haven't google on steve job and something else. Oh well, should I?! Hahah. Maybe I should after I play some tetris battle. Will miss it a lot!

The guy is so annoying keep sleeping and ignoring me. Too busy with Army. (Army, you suck) and I'm pigging up on mini chocolate danish from giant. Ah, so good, sinful sia. HAHA.

I need to run. :D Goodbye for now darlings.

ps: the title, it's something like power up but it's raya because of yesterday... so it is raya up.. erm.. you get it? yeah? yeah... :D

Slurring

I'm not a person you want to put a dateline on. I'm jsut not that. Even more when I am on a supposed holidays and this is really not my job. Urgh, sucks like hell.

Anyways, the chalet was a success. It was fun! Though I didn't take any photos at all. HAHA. Too much fun. We did not sleep, went out for macs at 2 am and 4 am. played the new game the kids taught me. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

I love everyone of you.

Now, back to business. Tired like hell as well.

On the run

Sorry for not posting too often. Been a busy bee and my heart just wasn't into writing that much. but now that I have the mood, and the time, why shouldn't I, right?

This week was emotionally stressful. It was too hard to handle. Late nights because of nothing, crying myself to sleep over something small. It must have been PMS cuz I don't have another answer for it.

Drama has a new instructor now. Gloria is so much fun. It has been very wonderful. Really, really very wonderful, actually. :D She's doing physical theatre with us and I really love physical theatre. I might not tell anyone but I really love moves. Such a sucker for dancers. Especially those contemporary or modern dancers. As well as b-boys. (Hah. Now that it is on this blog, it is not quite a secret, it is? But no one reads this old blog anymore anyway)

Well, it is still Raya and today, I still see a lot of them going out walking in those bling bling looking so nice and I am jealous. Really jealous. I have a thing for kurungs, actually. They're all so nice and delicate and fluffy, they make you want to wear them all night and day. (okay, maybe not the songket. They're hot as hell)

I'm a person with a lot of dreams. It doesn't hurt, does it? I just want to try everything and anything that I can have my hand on. It would have been nice to have a lot of money. Anyone wants to sponsor me? My wish right now is to be able to travel. While I am still schooling. Like on a holiday. Backpacking. Oh, the possibilities. :D But there are a lot of responsibilities around here and I have to stay focused on the priority. Being a good girl, here. Teehee.

Anyway, I am thinking of replacing my torch for an apple product. Should I wait for the new one or just settle and be happy with the previous version? I think I should just settle down with the previous version but many said to wait for the newer ones. I have waited for a lot of things in my life. One is going into H&M. (hahahahah. we shall not even go there. menyakitkan hati betul) I should seek The Man's advice. He's keen on me replacing my torch. Maybe he could see I was a bit unhappy with it. I am sorry, love. It was such a great present but I couldn't do much with it.

I NEED TO CUT MY HAIR. Kim and I agreed to wait for two weeks till we cut our hair. I, at least, need to cut (or rather, shave) off my sideburns. That's as far as I would go, maybe.

We got into finals for a fashion competition. We're doing Off Centre for our reflections. There's a drama chalet this Wednesday. I'm going ubin for 4 days the last week of September. My uncle is participating in Expo and I am expected to help in the last weekend of September too. I have yet to buy another pair of very comfortable jeans from Forever 21 (which is really cheap and I hope is still there). I have also yet to buy feather fan and black gloves for my aunt's dinner and dance which she needs by this Friday. I have yet to make consent forms for the chalet. This might look like trouble for me but I'll love the time spent thinking about nothing at the moment. Although I would really love a bubble bath or a luxury sleep.

I just finished reading a book. Which made me realized how fortunate I am in this world. Lucky beings, please realize that you're lucky. I really didn't know what the expression, "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going", mean until I read this book to its end. It is really an amazing book. And the author had really captured my heart. It goes out to Lily and Laurence. It really does. It is so hard to see people who don't deserve to be down in the dumps to be there, down in the dumps. It is heartbreaking but the positivity they have, although little and might dwindle by the time goes by, is really amazing. "The Only Way Is Up" by Carole Matthews. Get it if your spirit need some polishing or you need some convincing. This book will help you. Trust me, it will.

And Hafiz, I love you very very much. We'll be alright at the end of the day. I had a bad dream about us. We were arguing about planning and I was against crossing the bridge when we get there. I was furious. Maybe it is a sign that we start planning? I hate going around living each day as it is. I need to look forward to something at the end of the day. I love you. I wouldn't want to lose you too.

Who's laughing now?

YOU'RE SUCH A __________.

BEEN FEELING KINDA UPTIGHT. I AM SAVING UP FOR A TRIPPPPP. COME ON COME ON COME ON!! :D

Starry Eyed

It was shopping day for me, big soldier, kapi and kamsadi. haha. enjoying the life ah you guys. And everytime I meet them, I feel inspired. Really.

H&M was a bit frustrating. Queue was too long. Stocks and sizes were unavailable. But I'm hoping for the best! Next month hwaiting! Wait till everything died down lah. HAHAH.

Much Love. <3

ADVANTURE

I had a lot of fun last week. Saturday was phenomenal. Sunday was just, delirious. I hoped that this week, it will be the same. ^^,

We intended a 'surprise' for Hid. It was exciting as well as painful. Dude, I was in a 4-inch heels (I know, my fault but when you have the heels, you need to flaunt it, LOL). But it was nice to see her laughter and "tak perlu eh korang". She was so embarassed becase people was walking around and wanted to get a good look at the 'birthday' girl. HAH.

Thank you guys for taking me in as Qayyum's friend and making me one of you. I am not going to be awkward around you anymore. HAHAHA. -.-"

We ate at a Hong Kong cafe at Liang Court and it was deliciousssss~!

The Sparkling Dracula and Berry Mexicana is to die for. The Milk Tea was okay lah but I didn't get a chance to taste the Ice Lemon Tea. Fod was delicious. Everyone is a happy kid after a meal. But we didn't expect what to happen next...

WE WERE LOST LIKE BUNNIES ENTERING A TOWN.

We even had a map with us! But I bragged being at 72-13. HAHA. Just because, well, nobody knew the answer. I meant, my dad knows everywhere and when I asked him how to get to 72-13, he was dumbfounded. SO, YEAAAH.

We arrived, saw the others and the SHOW WAS MAGICAL. It was really worth it because wit was really thought provoking. It was phenomenal and I should really start knowing my politics. CSJ lah. ABJ lah. But I ask you one thing, you know what the 5 star ad the crescent on the flag stands for? Don't google it. Think, and if you think you get the answer, google it. For if we're such ignorant bastards, we'll still be a stranger in our own country. So, is ignorance still bliss afterall? T.T

While Watching the show, somebody found loveeeeee~

H&M is here in Singapore~!!! And there are going to stay for good. This little lady is going to visit it TODAY. Aaahh. So exciting! :D Much Love.

bye, baby dearest.

Heard that big soldier is graduating soon. Tomorrow to be exact. Hope you're going to get posted to a new unit away from pasir laba. I want you to be excited and learn new things! Cuz then I can learn new things too! ^^, Getting the beret tomorrow, right? Heehee. Must show me and let me take a picture and post it here. Sooo excited! :D

Anyways, went for a bit of shopping yesterday with Q and Kim. Bought a new wallet and a small sling bag. It was a good bargain. Dude, it was only $13 each! It was on saaaale. Hehh. I really really like. Though, I was A BIT disappointed cuz I saw another bag that I REALLY like after I purchased my bags, i was thankful and really excited. Of course lah. GOT TO SHOP WHAT. ^^,

The one ticked is my choice. I was really spoilt for choices. :/

I was also excited with what I was wearing today! I bought a dress a few weeks, or was it days? back from Meem Clothings at the bazaar the other day. So, we I paired it with the long black dress I got from another shop which was in Geylang as well. Haha. Heaven. paired it with zappi and walllaaaaa~! <3 It has a similar look like this just without the heels. Wanted to show off my new pair or Raya shoes. ^^,

I need to find people who are willing to design for free. Need help with illustrator. i already have the design in mind but I have problem executing it. I hope to know a person as soon as possible. Le Sigh. Will try my besttt!

Talking about best bargain, New Look is having a sale!!! It is definitely worth a look see just because! Haha, no, seriously. They're celebrating their 2 year old birthday and if you purchase items at regular price, the second item is only $2!! That's why my stuff was $13 each. ^^, I am so good at this thing. Cheap thrills!! <3 Do have a look see and bring back lots of stuff. Although you'll be a lot less richer you'll be happy and it was all worth the money. I hope I'm right. :D

Till later, love you all. <3

It's been too long.

I am still alive. Yes, barely but still alive. Broken, not brand new and not with a bang but am grateful in any other way. Holiday just started and so does Eidul Fitri. That also means that Ramadhan just left us.

I am still so broken from last semester. It was hectic and I kind of hate it. I could have done better and succeed in any other way but it needed too much energy and I got bored way too easily. It was a mistake, I am starting to convince myself. But I am pulling through and recovering. Pulling through, holding on to the last strand of thread and recovering.

I found new love yesterday. I didn't have the courage but eventually tried them. I feel a little sorry but it feels like a breathe of life once again. I'll try and try and try. And by God's means, maybe I'll get it.

I miss Soldier. He had a 28km route march from Mandai or somewhere there. Have not heard from him since 5 in the evening and hopes that everything is fine. It is always fine with him, that little rascal. I love you so much, kay? Take care and have fun! Meet you this weekends, I hope. <3 There's a lot to look forward to this September. I hope things are going to be bright and sunny.

There's this Saturday and Friday and tomorrow I am going shopping. ^^, And then there's the chalet and the NYAA adventure camp. It's like outward bound but more brutal. Haha. There will be kayaking, high elements (which excites me and making me shudder at the same time), sleeping in tents and we have to carry everything ourselves in those big hiking bags. I don't even know how but I think it will be memorable, most definitely!

Happy tripping ya'll. It's time I sleep, I guess. Much love.

Sweet Sunshine

History Of The Arts | Production Design | Drawing | Directing N Performace | Arts Management

Tests are coming my way sooner than I thought and what have I done? moping around in freaking misery, I guess. Was given a doctor's off for the last 2 days of the week last week. Swollen throat and a whole new meaning of fatigue itself.

Managed to catch Macbeth on that thursday night and it was weird. Old English was a bit to catch up on but the energy, the sound system and the lightings kind of sucked a bit. No doubt they had minimal ways to manipulate how it wil be staged but it was a bit too fast. And Oh Old English.. I know it is Macbeth and Shakespeare and all but why Old english wen you have modern anecdotes?? Seriously.

Drama has been very very overwhelming. The juniors that managed to say Hi and stayed was around 40 people and I don't know how to take it. Positive or not, they might be staying longer than I think they will.. Let's just wait and see.

Despite being so busy with school, homeworks and such, I finally managed to go to the library and borrowed really interesting book. You should read, The consequences of love by Sulaiman Addonia and it will definitely open your eyes to something hat will break your heart.

Oh, I managed to make an elephant for the soldier. Dark and I hope I get to see you in Smart 4. Must have been so nice. Didn't I mention? I like guys in uniforms. Hah.

Till all my sleeves are stained red

The system changed. So now, RP is will be the death of me. There are homeworks everywhere, the teachers are expecting more because they lower down the grade, and I just joined another IG. I need to have some stress release. ):

And I miss you. Out of sight =/= out of mind, right?

SLA had been tiring. Supa tiring.

I am sorry for abandoning you but sch is taking control over my life. I need to get one back..

Your Guardian Angel

Speaks a thousand words.

Abang-Abang NS

Hehehhee. First day of school and hafiz decided to make a suprise by cutting his hair GI. He is going into camp next two weeks. Such an eager boy. Here is his most recent picture! :D



Abang-abang NS. May things go good for you in there. Love you.

My shoes are made for walking.

Hehehe. Please drop from the sky, cupcakes! I'll be waiting.

Keep your enemies closer.

Sometimes, you are always caught in between things. Maybe, of wanting to be happy for the people you love and wishing you are in their shoes at that very moment. It happened to me a lot of times before. I am getting tired of being the other half - that is rotten. Maybe only by a bit but they always want the best. And if my best is not enough for them, what more can I do? Kill myself to perfection? Okay, maybe not. Try harder? Easier said than done, okay?!

You know how a heart aches? Like the wound is stabbed over and over and over again. It hurts really bad and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can do to it. When you try to nurse it to health, it will just get wounded again. Call me careless but bits and pieces of my hearts are all over the world now, travelling happily while I am broken and well, out of place. It had been a really difficult journey thus far.

Funny how one say that your fate and destiny are already written down and nothing can change it but they will say, "if i do this maybe..." and hoped that there will be a better outcome. I mean, aren't you supposed to be content in what happened? Even if it is not the best (yet)? But it is really subjective. To what extend will you stop and realise, maybe it is not meant for you because there are other better things out there? Why am I thinking all this?

Smile, baby, Smile.

IT'S A REST DAY FOR ME TODAY. :)

ANTM CYCLE 16

I dont usually post reviews but this time, this is relatable. For anyone who watches America's Next Top Model (ANTM) like reading a bible, cycle 15 was so far the best. I like the idea of high fashion as the theme and was glad they made it a theme for cycle 16 too. The girls are prettier thought I don't think they can beat ann yet. She is still my favourite. But every cycle, there must be a favourite (or two) and for this cycle, I am rooting for brittani and jaclyn. ^^, So, it kinda made me angry when I was watching episode 7 of this cycle. The reason for posting a review for this particular episode is simple. It deals with twi-faced bitches and lies in front of the camera. It is so irrtating made me wished I was one of the judges. It really made me wished so bad.. Sometimes, I think that Tyra just wants to go against conventional ideas. Although she is a supermodel and has modeled for a lot of people and clients and has done a lot of things, had a very tragic past that she lived through, she really does make me go bonkers and sometimes, it owuld be really lovely if I can ask her to open her already big eyes bigger. It just saddens me how sometimes, she is a bit unfair, or rather, inconsistent with her judging. I think that they would absolutely have a 'backbone' on how they want to judge the models. They should take into consideration a few things to be judged to determine which model should be eliminated so it is just fair. But then again, it seemed as if, in every episode, they judge upon their own feelings which is really unfair. It might not be the most scientific judgement but it is not scientific at all. I've seen a lot of great potentials that was wasted because they feel that she doens't want it, or she was too ignorant about something or because she doesnt have enough personality. Their reasons for eliminating someone might be a bit too farfetched. I think they want to create a supermodel who is alike Tyra. For they want someone with bigger personality, has a tragic background, can smeyes and everything that Tyra can do. It is just too awkward. In episode 7 especially, the bitchiness was clearly shown. It was Brittany against Alexandria. The blonde is alexandria and the brunette is brittany. So, the catfight was intensified betweent his two. I am rooting for brittany to win this or at least have alexandria to be eliminated first. :/ I dont usually take sides, you know. So this is kind of a big thing for me. It started at the challenge for the day, which was a photoshoot with Nigel and they had to embody a certain 'spirit' so Alexandria won. Brittany wasn't happy. You might think that Brittany is the bitch here. But a recap of a few episodes back, it was just a build up tension that she kept. Because in the last few episodes, Alexandria was being this bitch off set but on set with Mr jay being there, she was being so sweet and polite and whatever. It was sickening to watch. :/ So, Brittany shoot her off. It was bad, really bad. Because it happened on set, in front of the photographer, who was Nigel (who is one of the judges) and in front of the client. It was really upsetting that it had to happen then. I just hoped that the judges realised how unfair it was for Brittany. It must have been really hard for her. But during panel, when Nigel brought up the incident, Brittany had a panic attack and walked off stage. But she came back, and when the judges deliberate, Tyra thinks that she should not be given a second chance. Just because of her attitude. I thought it was really unfair. I strongly agree that what she did was wrong but she did apologize in public, to the client and to the judges. It was apparent that she was upset and would do anything to rewind the clock to erase that horro from everyone's memory. But Tyra was, "Oh, no. I dont think she should be given a second chance. She should be taught a lesson". And it is UNFAIR! This is afterall a modelling competition. She should at least evaluate her performance through out and think about her personality (of which she demands from every supermodel) and everything. It wwould be really heartbreaking to see her go. (if that happens) because Alexandria was sickeningly sweet in front of the important people and is a two faced bitch and would want the world to revolve around her. I cannot contain my anger. This is just too

Tekah aku semadi hati, namun cinta tetap azali.

Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?

It has been really quiet around this avenue. ): I know. No one reads this but for keepsake, I have not been updating enough? It is my fault. For not managing my time properly.. I am more comfortable making lists. So here goes one. (This might be a long post. IF I am not halfway lazy....)


1) Since the last time I blogged. A lot has happened. AND I REALLY MEAN A LOT. The event that affected me most was when my grandfather left to met his Creator. He was 82. And people always remind me how strong I am, but I am not the best person with goodbyes. I literally hate them. And his absence was really abrupt. It was too sudden that I keep pinching myself only to realise that this is reality and not a nightmare.

I was in denial the whole day. Normally, a person would have to grandfathers. I only managed to see 1 and I cherish it. I really do.. He was a strong man, a very strong man. It was so emotional for the whole family. He went in his sleep so we wasn't with him when he was meeting Malaikah Izrail. It pained me knowing that. But the fact that he went in his sleep, calmed me.

It was horrible. My uncle came down from Changi with guards by his side. It was like in any malay TV series but this time, it was my life. It was horrible. I keep looking out for the heaves from his chest to check if he was still breathing. Because he was a joker, I kept thinking that he will spring back to his normal self and actually laughed at us because he fooled us. And when he was already six feet under, I keep asking myself "what if(s)". And everytime I istighfar, I keep reminiscing those stuff. Is this how I mourn, is this how I redha? It was the hardest goodbye for me. It really was.

He had been staying with us fro the last 5 years. He pampered us so so much. He'll buy us food, and candies and drink. He'll give us extra pocket money. He was around all the time. But the last few weeks, he was super cranky. We all thought it was a phase. He will get over it someday.. My dad bought a new fan for him because the last one was out of order. My dad bought a new tv so we wouldn't argue with him because he only watches one channel - Sensasi. But he could only use the fan twice and he didn't even get to see the tv we bought. The day before his death, he was in bed ALL DAY LONG. It was weird but maybe because he was sick - he had fever the day before - so we thought that it is normal. And the next day we knew, he was gone. When my mum discovered, his body was still warm. So it wasn't long since he met Izrail. It was so sad.

I checked on him everynight for 'signs'. I didn't know what I was thinking back then. I just couldn't bear because he looked so weak and that night, I didn't do it. I am not blaming myself but if only.... If only...

I'll always remember him. I will always be reminded of him and I hope he is doing well. I know he will be, insyaAllah amin amin amin.



2) On the day Atuk left, I was called for a job attachment. So, I am on attachment with Teater Kami (ltd) together with Qayyum and it had been so fun so far. It is also the craziest. Going back home at 11+. But it brought back Newton memories. The place that I am interning at is at Cairnhill Road. Remember Cairnhill CC?! Aaaaah, good times. It was just around the corner, about 5-10 minutes walk. The ambience was so so nice I really loved it.

Everybody was nice too. It was a small family but it was enough. Everybody know each other, ties was rekindled and new ties were formed. They were very welcoming and very friendly. And everyone has a funny bone, subhanallah. Their sarcasm, when you don't know them might hurt but really, it is just the way they interact. Everyone was loud and fun but they were very professional.

We open and close every rehearsals with Surah Al-Fatehah and it reminded of the exco meetings, the school and Irsyad. I really really miss Irsyad and my girls. ): When are we meeting? I hope soon...

AND I FOUND THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MALAY BACK. IT WAS BURIED DEEP BUT LOVE STILL PREVAIL. <3


3) Drama is also a havoc. Due dates EVERYWHERE. Thankfully I found an instructor. THANKFULLY I have a very supportive comm members. Thankfully everyone is cooperative! I cannot thank you enough but I really love love everyone of them.

Student Life Activities Fiesta (SLA) in coming up. Preview of the show is so so near. Very very nervous. Needed to cancel a show slot. Things to settle. /sigh



Ya Allah. I really need to borrow your strength. Guide me to the correct path and don't let the shaytans rule my heart and head. Amin.

Newest photo of late:

This week has been.

Blissful. And the vow was renewed. Fights will be there but we'll brace through. I love you.

For he is a jolly good fellow.

Sometimes, I can eat people alive.